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I'm Sorry, I Can't, I Have Female Socialization - by Daniel Lavery
thechatner.com/p/im-sorry-i-ca

When I got to "I’m only AFAB when someone isn’t nice to me….and you wouldn’t like me when I’m AFAB" I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe for a bit. :)

@bright_helpings I'm leaning more and more toward the term "gender agnostic" lol

@bright_helpings "my destiny is bound up with the destiny of 'women,' but I am personally skeptical of the existence of 'womanhood'"

@alpine_thistle Another agender friend of mine uses a political metaphor this also reminds me of: they say "I'm agender but I caucus with the women."

Very similar energy, and I love both of these. :)

@bright_helpings I don't like labels generally--I don't like to pigeonhole myself into one theory or expression of anything and in the end I don't really care enough to pick one

"People say I'm female and I'm fine with that assumption" or "cis by default I guess" lol

@alpine_thistle I've said this for a long time too, I've put some effort into making slightly fewer people think that I'm a woman lately but honestly I still don't really care that much. (I do think womanhood exists, but I also think it's one of those things that hasn't happened to me is all. Like I believe cars exist, people have cars, but I can't drive so I don't have a car.)

@bright_helpings i do kind of like it when people ask me for my pronouns because it's like "yes! I confused them!"

@alpine_thistle @bright_helpings yeah, I feel like I end up with some pretty awkward circumlocutions sometimes just to avoid using a gender label. other labels don't bug me, but gender ones really do - even "agender" means I'm defining myself in terms of the system I deeply don't want to define me.

"agender spectrum somewhere if you must", "I round down to cis in most circumstances".

@alpine_thistle @bright_helpings Gender: "No, but thanks for thinking of me".

Gender: "Why must you do this".

alcohol mentioned as a metaphor 

@mcmoots @alpine_thistle I "came out" to myself as agender by replying to a shitpost on here, the conceit being a doctor asking something like "And how many genders would you say you have in a week?"

I said, "Oh you know, only on social occasions. Like a wedding or something. Only a couple times a year really. I'm lucky my friends and day-to-day life don't pressure me to have more than I am comfortable with."

weed mentioned as a metaphor 

@bright_helpings @mcmoots I prefer the harmless yet illegal genders. The governor thinks it'll kill your kids, but I grew it myself, and it keeps me from indulging in too many commercial genders. Organic, artisan, medicinal gender

@mcmoots @alpine_thistle @bright_helpings for quite some time now I've thought of my gender as being "no." if I'm feeling polite it's "no, thank you." if I'm not feeling polite it's "no, also fuck off."

@mcmoots I also really love "I round down to cis in most circumstances"! @alpine_thistle

@bright_helpings @alpine_thistle ahh I've just been searching everywhere trying to remember the exact wording of that post or where I saw it, it's one of my faves

@wolfie I only have it because my boyfriend sent it to me recently, said it made him think of me. I was so glad to see it again, I hadn't thought to download it before. @alpine_thistle

@bright_helpings @alpine_thistle grin!

Look. I was raised as a man, taught that crying was a sin, might makes right and to be a blue-blooded american hero when I grew up.

I've become a lot more syncretic since, but there's still value in keeping our cultural identity in rituals like woodworking, beard care and modern chivalry. What's more, we can remain true to ourselves and resist assimilation without ignorantly upholding harmful traditions like talking over people or conflating a Y chromosome with authority.

(On a serious note though the trans experience is explicitly part of my practice so the metaphor already fits. Thank you!)

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A community centered on the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota, and their surrounding region. Predominantly queer with a focus on urban and social justice issues.