gOOD AFTERNOONG my fucking cycle is over do you know how much shit i got done today can you believe i want to be alive again

lmao this alone should be able to get me that fucking hysterectomy

im making a list to bring to a potential doctor to advocate for a hysto feel free to add/help 

history of fibroids in my family
birth control doesnt work with me because i am sensitive to medication and have had bad side effects
my mood swings are so bad that people i love actively avoid me for 2 weeks
i often cannot get out of bed or my room
it renders me unable to take care of myself in the same ways i can when im not on my period & im worried that will affect my ability to retain employment

im making a list to bring to a potential doctor to advocate for a hysto feel free to add/help 

the other stuff that depending on the doctor i might bring up/i wont bring up i need a "Proper" way of saying this:
it makes me dysphoric as hell
not having kids
i know my body better than you do
that history of pain in my family has been ignored for decades bc they are black women & thats on you & your people so tell me how youre going to fix it now bc youve hurt them irreparably for generations

so basically if anyone has navigated the american medical system in getting a hysterectomy and has tips (especially if youre black/a person of color) or want to point me in the direction of such id appreciate the hell out of it

im figuring im probably gonna have to crowdfund for it/really wanted to start doing that like eight years ago but didnt think i was worth it/my family wouldnt go for it but like fuck it im tired of wanting to die for two weeks straight every month in addition to wanting to dip out of life due to regular shit along with being black + queer + mentally ill in amerikka
i got shit to do id like to try to live for like at least three more years

uterus, doctors, violence via stabbing 

im reading the stuff necessary to make it possible for my insurance to cover it and so far i should not mention: gender dysphoria, and theyll want me to go through a whole bunch of other things to make sure its even necessary so im def gonna have to do out of pocket because im figuring having someone stab me in the uterus will not convince them

what really got me going with this is last night i watched one of the boys through the tampa trans film festival and every time he got a surgery he was so happy and it helped because ive always been worried if i want top surgery (i dont think i do, me and my boobs are buddies--the way people treat me because of them is not what i want) or if im supposed to want a penis and it seems i dont with either and it clarified a lot of shit for me/made me feel a lot more at peace

so what im saying is im trying to reach for peace because im deserving of it.

its gonna be okay, i remembered to ask a trans group in my area, ill keep putting in other trans groups. ill go eat and have water. its gonna be okay and im allowed to cry if need be to its gonna be okay

i think this is what i need in order for my insurance to approve it but not sure? 

if it is it helps cause i know to like hope for six months away from now at the earliest if i start looking around tomorrow so that helps me bring my hopes down quite a bit

yall are really great. this and the trans group have helped so much and i got 100% more hope than i had 24 hours ago (lmao i was at 0) and i really appreciate you all.

i have successfully set up an OB/GYN appointment for next monday (i have the day off blessedly) now i just gotta figure out how imma get there but i spent 30 min on the phone being anxious as hell so im counting this as a win!!!

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A community centered on the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota, and their surrounding region. Predominantly queer with a focus on urban and social justice issues.