I don't think I've ever seen someone ask "should I [transition/take this transition step]" who doesn't already, to some degree, know the answer. They just want permission to want it.
Usually they claim to be unsure or conflicted because they're ambivalent now, yet wanting something else.
That's it. You have the answer. Because we learn to cope, dysphoria often feels not like self-revulsion, but ambivalence. Their question amounts to "should I pursue euphoria?"
Yes. You have permission. Do it.
For me, it just seems like so much work. And I’m still not sure what I want the destination to look like.
@lawremipsum ugh this has been a constant lately for me in regards to bottom surgery/vaginoplasty.
Like, in my core I know it’s a next step in transition, and that while I feel ambivalent towards my body I could feel so much better.
I’ve spent the last few weeks having conversations with trans femmes that ultimately add up to trying to receive some weird permission or absolution. And like, absolution that I’m not betraying the trans community by not wanting to make my body a battleground for trans representation. My fucking day job is trans rep, it doesn’t need to be my body too.
@lawremipsum agender amab here. For me, medical transition seems unlikely. But then, what would anything else even look like? I just want to be left alone, really.
@lawremipsum as an AFAB enby person, I used to identify solely as transmasc and went on HRT as it seemed logical to do so. I honestly thank HRT as it taught me clearly that no that's not the right direction for me, I did more soul searching and found my answer. While I stopped HRT I didn't regret for a second being on it. It was still the right thing for my journey.
I still think if you're not sure there's no harm in exploring and stopping if it isn't actually right for you.
@lawremipsum I think I'm one data point. Well, maybe. I got femme feels that I felt very strongly but /actively did not want/, rejected, and I'm still a guy. (And now we have a femme-version-of-me headmate, but whether that created her or she was the source of the feelings all along we'll probably never know.)
I'm absolutely transspecies though. :3 and I kind of needed that permission-to-be-trans, at first. (Can't transition though as transition doesn't exist.)
@lawremipsum I swear that was basically what the first therapist I saw said, I knew what I wanted but was waiting for someone to tell me it was okay to want it and activity work to achieve it. Took me another 19 years to understand and believe them.
Don't be me, pay attention the first time.
@lawremipsum i.. need to be reminded of that ambivalence part sometimes, thank you. "i don't care how i look because no matter what it won't be good" doesn't have to be forever.
“… often feels not like self-revulsion, but ambivalence.”
One thing that had me on the fence about starting hormone therapy was seeing the typical, trans narrative of “born in the wrong body”
I didn’t hate my body. It functioned well. But I was indifferent. I took care of it like one might take care of a late 90s Corolla because it gets me where I need to go.
But when I started E and my mental and emotional health tilted to positive… you betcha I shine this vehicle up now! 🥰
@aBirdieOnaWire I feel this hard. Like, I don't hate the body I've got. It's find and all, but each step I've taken toward becoming her feels so good.
HRT appointment in just under two weeks and I'm so excited and nervous at the same time.
Thought this was beautiful and articulates what its like in that situation so well. ❤️ (sorry just read your follow request toot and unboosted in case it was just a passing thought)
@lawremipsum I feel like it's two rites of passage in one. The first to ask if it's okay to take the step, the second one is, when after a while where you then turn around and eventually get to tell someone else that it is also okay to take that step.
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