Drugs, sexual body parts, tmi 

My realization that I'm trans was a series of awakenings & tipping points over years—fully accounted for they stretch back at least a decade.

Here are a few:

• I got high in the backcountry in Yosemite and accidentally experienced having a vulva and clit
• I was watching a streamer and admitted to myself I was watching because I was envious of her
• I learned my younger cousin is a trans guy and got jealous and decided to stop letting my age deter me

Remembering an early conversation with my gender therapist who approved me for hrt, where I described my gender as follows:

"okay so you have a scale and Tilda Swinton is here [left hand near the middle of scale] and David Bowie is here [right hand just to the right of Tilda Swinton] and I'm somewhere over HERE. [reaching my right hand to point between Tilda Swinton and the left edge of the scale]"

HRTversary thoughts 

Today (Saturday) is my 2 year HRTversary.

Thinking a little tonight about how monumentally unhappy about my body i was two years ago.

And how incredibly different it looks, and feels to live in, now.

I still have a hard time with a consistent mental self-image of anything other than the adult body I got used to seeing over decades.

But looking at myself in the mirror even just these last few weeks I actually believe I see a different person. A woman.

Genitals, Grs (-), rerun toot 

Please let a solid-boned loon fly directly into my dick at 75 miles per hour

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Grs, "medical necessity" 

The waiting period to get a vagina is fifty-two times as long as the waiting period to buy a gun in Minnesota.

I had a moment of like "omg this is what it's like to Be Yourself, and it's amazing."

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I was on a bike ride with a girl yesterday and said something kinda stereotypically girly that I genuinely felt and it was received as having been said by a girl and it just made me really happy.

So this is what I've been up to over the past year: becoming hot.

Image 1: March 28, 2019
Image 2: April 12, 2019
Image 3: March 30, 2020

(eye contact selvies)

(cc: @LilyVers for inspiration)

Anyway I think my point is that transness is about the freedom to express, present as, and be one's self. If you try to make it about being and presenting a certain way to first satisfy some socio-political aim above the individual's own sense of gender you aren't ending gender you're just creating a different system of gender and gender expectations. It misses the entire point.

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I guess connected with this is that I am non-binary, and happily tell anyone when it comes up—even though I don't aim anywhere but some degree of femme for my presentation. I don't owe anyone androgyny or genderfuck. I present how I present for myself.

I do my activism and nonbinary advocacy through other means.

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Sometimes I need to remind myself of this, but I think other people need it more often: I'm trans for me, to be more myself and more comfortable in the world. Not for anyone else, and certainly not to achieve a political aim, like destroying the gender binary.

Political implications and consequences are inevitable, and a political purpose can be good and necessary—I actively participate in undermining the gender binary, even if not with my presentation, which is FOR ME.

I will see you in another life, when we are both girls

Who can forget Proust's literary masterpiece about transitioning late in life

Wrote something for @AudreyJune 's zine about how much fighting I have to do, and as if on cue, gotta argue with my health insurance about improperly denied claims again.

"I'm a girl?"

"Yes, you are."

"Wow! How did this happen?"

"Through a series of deliberate choices you made."

"Wow that's amazing! What hath science wrought?"

"Girl."

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MSP Social.net

A community centered on the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota, and their surrounding region. Predominantly queer with a focus on urban and social justice issues.