Matthew @yeahno@mspsocial.net

Why, yes, Facebook has been particularly insufferable lately, why do you ask?

The answer to most questions:

Because that's how human psychology has been for tens of thousands of years, empathy doesn't work the way you believe it should, and we don't really have conscious minds insasmuch as we have insidious post-hoc rationalization engines that is there exclusively to preserve our egos.

Good talk.

I guess by that, I mean there are more than zero.

There's a surprising number of Dutch-language books at the Savers in Fridley or Columbia Heights or whenever the hell I am.

It is with profound disappointment that I must announce that my apartment is a few hundred feet shy of being bisected by the 45th parallel north.

I would have built a monument and everything.

Please respect my family's privacy at this time of sorrow.

oh i didn't know there was a button in my work email for "mark all as read"

i just went from about 1250 unread(able) messages to 0! amazing!

I have zero idea how legitimately ethical this company is and I sometimes get irritated with the self-congratulatory idea that Canada is a problem-free zone, but… this is a really brilliant piece of trolling and I am here to support at least that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBq7i4qlzqg

I've accomplished so many things already today but I had to get up at 4:45 a.m. to do them so basically everything is a haze of sleepy resentment.

And now I'm reminded of the time my friend Natascha and I tried to come up with translations for Cheez-Its. We settled on "Fromagez!" in French and "Mach's Käsig!" in German.

"Fromagez!" is pretty hilarious, tbqh.

German has the best imperatives.

whenever i see "rock the garden," my brain always thinks "haha in german that would be "rocken Sie den Garten" except of course it absolutely wouldn't be.

Someone on this bus smells like a scented candle my mom used to drag out every Christmas and now it's Advent 1982 and I desperately want my own typewriter (I was not a typical boy).

i'm very excited about going to this movie and also whiskey drinks and also the possibility of mac and cheese with Hatch green chiles in it

By the time I get to the other room—which is, like, 5 seconds later!—I see him trotting across the kitchen, feather toy replacement package in his mouth, with his little nub-tail and little triangle ears sticking straight up in the air. He was very happy.

So I just let him tear it to shreds in the bathroom. Because there was no way I was going to win that struggle. At all.

I look into the box. He didn't really notice me because, well, he was fixated on the toy. So I tapped the top of his head. He looked up at me, blinked, said a very short, pleased "mew!" and went back to it.

I haul him out of the toy box, grab the feather toy that's already on the stick and play with him. Twenty minutes later, I sit down. Two minutes after that, I hear him trying to snag the cloth of the box again.

Anyhow, Warren went silent which is generally an ominous sign. So I went looking for him. I heard digging coming from the fabric box on the fourth shelf.

He somehow managed to get on top of the shelf, snag the fabric box with his claw, open it juuuuuust enough for him to squeeze into it (but not so much that the box would fall out of the shelf) and proceed to purr his head off as he rooted around in the kitty toy box.

Last night, Warren (obstinate orange kitty he is) found the answer I gave him—"no"—to his question "Can I please take the refill for the feather-on-a-stick toy that's still in its packaging and tear it out of the packaging and then blissfully obliterate it on the bathroom floor?" unacceptable.

I put it in the fabric box we use for a kitty toy box. It's kept in an Ikea Kallax boxy grid shelving unit—on the fourth shelf which is, like, 5'10" tall or so.

whhhhyyyyyyy do i have to do this job when i'm leaving it in a week whyyyyyy so unfair man the barricades burn it all down

"The only clear line I draw these days is this: When my religion tries to come between me and my neighbor, I will choose my neighbor. … Jesus never commanded me to love my religion."

—Rev. Barbara Brown Taylor

Why is it early November out here?