Matthew @yeahno@mspsocial.net

Everyone: I have created a lighting scene with the Hue LED bulbs that is based on Warren's fur and I may be at peak cat nerd.

Guess what I got to do?!? Use five hours of my day to travel 60 miles because traffic!

Seattle: Everything Annoying About Minneapolis, But Way Worse!

Purely by coincidence, my first trip to the medical marijuana dispensary was this morning.

No one will ever believe it's a coincidence.

He didn't even eat them. He just uprooted them.

Out of jealousy? Probably out of jealousy.

BAD ORANGE KITTY NO SNUGGLES FOR YOU TONIGHT OKAY JUST SOME OKAY THE REGULAR AMOUNT I RESENT YOUR LOVE

My seedlings were going great.

Then they accidentally met Warren. Unchaperoned.

I may have saved… some?

Starting the day by seeing a car crash into a truck—hard—from my bus. It was, as all crashes are, alarming. Everyone seemed okay. But it is terrifying to see in such a plain way how much energy those metal death machines carry and how quickly an impatient, distracted driver can inflict irreparable harm.

Why, yes, Facebook has been particularly insufferable lately, why do you ask?

The answer to most questions:

Because that's how human psychology has been for tens of thousands of years, empathy doesn't work the way you believe it should, and we don't really have conscious minds insasmuch as we have insidious post-hoc rationalization engines that is there exclusively to preserve our egos.

Good talk.

I guess by that, I mean there are more than zero.

There's a surprising number of Dutch-language books at the Savers in Fridley or Columbia Heights or whenever the hell I am.

It is with profound disappointment that I must announce that my apartment is a few hundred feet shy of being bisected by the 45th parallel north.

I would have built a monument and everything.

Please respect my family's privacy at this time of sorrow.

oh i didn't know there was a button in my work email for "mark all as read"

i just went from about 1250 unread(able) messages to 0! amazing!

I have zero idea how legitimately ethical this company is and I sometimes get irritated with the self-congratulatory idea that Canada is a problem-free zone, but… this is a really brilliant piece of trolling and I am here to support at least that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBq7i4qlzqg

I've accomplished so many things already today but I had to get up at 4:45 a.m. to do them so basically everything is a haze of sleepy resentment.

And now I'm reminded of the time my friend Natascha and I tried to come up with translations for Cheez-Its. We settled on "Fromagez!" in French and "Mach's Käsig!" in German.

"Fromagez!" is pretty hilarious, tbqh.

German has the best imperatives.

whenever i see "rock the garden," my brain always thinks "haha in german that would be "rocken Sie den Garten" except of course it absolutely wouldn't be.

Someone on this bus smells like a scented candle my mom used to drag out every Christmas and now it's Advent 1982 and I desperately want my own typewriter (I was not a typical boy).

i'm very excited about going to this movie and also whiskey drinks and also the possibility of mac and cheese with Hatch green chiles in it

By the time I get to the other room—which is, like, 5 seconds later!—I see him trotting across the kitchen, feather toy replacement package in his mouth, with his little nub-tail and little triangle ears sticking straight up in the air. He was very happy.

So I just let him tear it to shreds in the bathroom. Because there was no way I was going to win that struggle. At all.